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Title: "I've Given Up On Making Sense."
Summary: Sean and Jakob's relationship.
Notes: Ranges from December 2001 to February 2002. Jakob is 15, Sean is 16.
Warnings: Mentions of underage sex and dubious consent, and one homophobic slur.

Jakob never really knew when Sean was going to come over. They didn't talk at school, and Sean refused to do anything like pass notes. He said it was too risky. What if one of them lost a note, and they were exposed? The only warning Jakob had was when Sean started to follow him home after the last bell rang, always a good bit and a few people behind him.

He had tried to convince Sean to walk home with him once, when they were a few blocks away from the school. Jakob hesitated a bit, wondering if it was even a good idea, before he turned around and headed in the other direction. He smiled when Sean didn't stop or turn around himself, and he nearly brought himself to ask when Sean walked by him without sparing him a glance.

The smile fell from his face. He stood there a moment, wondering what he should even do, before he decided to just turn back around and follow Sean home.

It had been a stupid idea, anyway.


Sean was the one to bring up sex first. It was a few days after he first approached Jakob out of the blue, and they hadn't done more than kiss. Sean had tried for other things, but Jakob always pulled back before anything could really happen. So, he brought up sex, saying that he wanted to know what Jakob liked. Like an idiot, Jakob had told him.

He didn't exactly know what he liked. He had only kissed a boy for the first time a few days before he moved to Ireland. But he knew what he liked fantasizing about: getting on his knees and sucking somebody's cock while they pulled his hair, being held against the bed while somebody fucked him, sometimes a bit roughly. The next time Sean kissed him, he pushed down on Jakob's shoulders until he went on his knees. Jakob winced when Sean pulled his hair too hard, but Sean only frowned when he mentioned it.

But you told me you liked things rough. That was the line that Sean used and expanded on every time Jakob tried to ask him to be gentler or to slow down, the line that always made him shut up and take it.


Other than the sex, school was possibly the worst part. (Later, Jakob hated himself for letting Sean take even that away from him.) He was getting used to dealing with the pain after Sean's visits, but the desks at school made it nearly impossible to ignore. Jakob often had to bite the inside of his cheek to the point of bleeding to get his hands to stop shaking from it, but more than a few of the shorthand notes were hard to make out.

His test scores dropped. It wasn't enough to drop his grade, but it was enough to discourage him and he stopped actively participating in class. He told himself that he was having a difficult time keeping his expression neutral and his voice steady, so he might as well stop trying with one of them. It didn't help that Sean didn't talk to him. Jakob stopped trying when every approach only got him a quick glare and silence as Sean hurried away with whatever group of friends he was with. Eventually, he just stopped talking at school as much as he could.


Why do you ignore me at school?

It was a question that took him weeks to work up the courage to ask.

Why wouldn't I? You're sort of cute, but you're so fucking awkward around people, angel.

It was the answer that took him weeks to ask in the first place.


He was actually sad when Sean broke up with him, and he possibly hated himself for that. He must be pathetic if he was sad about losing someone who told Jakob that he wasn't worth being around. With that thought in mind, then Jakob thought he might see why Sean wouldn't want to date him. He was pathetic, ugly, awkward.

He dreaded going to school the next day, even though he tried to convince himself that he wouldn't have to see Sean. They didn't share any classes. It was a big school. It was a shock when Sean walked up to him when he was at his locker.

Jakob didn't know what to call it when Sean started yelling at him about things that he had no idea about; yelling loud enough for everyone to hear, about how Jakob had been stalking him for months, how Jakob was creepy, how Jakob was queer. He only stared at Sean, wide eyed and speechless, as he went on. He was too scared to look at anyone else in the hallway, too scared to even say anything.

Jakob was amazed that he had the strength to move when a teacher finally showed up to see what was going on. He fled when Sean looked away from him, very much noticing how suddenly everybody seemed to be giving him a wide berth. He didn't have to fake being sick when he managed to make his way to the school nurse.
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